She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
