I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
