capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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