3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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