you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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