This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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