Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
