Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
