i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
