I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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