yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
