he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
