Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
