My friends, they love my intelligence
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
