hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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