Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
