I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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