there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
