Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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