Need sex. Gaining weight.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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