it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't deserve a penis
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize