i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
