This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
