the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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