she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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