The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
