I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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