dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
