Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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