Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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