Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
