It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
