y did u give ur computer a hand job?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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