sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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