cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
