I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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