wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
