she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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