I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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