i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
