i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
