I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
honey bunches of taint.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
