Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
