A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
