I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
