Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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