i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
