think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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