I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
