I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize