You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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