kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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