i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
