I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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