It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
