I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We were destined to go to rehab together
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
