3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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