She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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