I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
