Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
