Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
