thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
