Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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