He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
