How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
