Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
