Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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