We won't sleep together?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
How's work?
Spinning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Randomize
