in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We are two peas in an std pod
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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