guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
