The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wear drunk well.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
